Ploys For Tots

John McCain is a bitch. And that is no way a sexist remark secretly meant for Sarah Palin, because she's a skeevy motherfucker. Big difference.

Anyways, when the news came out today that McCain was suspending his campaign due to the financial crisis, I absolutely believed it was for some other reason besides the financial crisis. I saw his press conference yesterday. He talked about oversight. A lot. But he didn't delve into the problem. His thoughts on the matter were very superficial.

If he was as concerned as his recent move to delay his campaigning suggested, he would've said a lot more than he did. So this is a ploy to show how concerned he is or it's a ploy to put off the debate a little so he can study up. Either way, it's "transparent", but not necessarily in a good way.

Just sayin'.

Poem

There's a lady that comes into my bank branch. She writes poetry. I submit it for your approval.

My Mother Yet Again

How to deal with it?
Facing her yet again,
every morning.
Smiling,
almost always on,
histronics so similar
to those of the original.
Putting herself on display,
make-up thickly applied.
She adds to the effect with
a showy blonde wig.
Did mother call everyone
'dear' and 'darling' as her clone does?
That I don't recall,
but I know mother was a
crowd-pleaser, as ditto,
my morning slice of phoney-baloney!
How can I interact civilly?
I really know I need to manage better
these feelings if it's not too late to do!

But, every day, it's early tuning up
of a stalling engine.
I almost always drag myself in
groggy and low, and I need desperately
for everyone to be real, but, God,
there's so much going on that isn't.
Please don't smother me with
'dear's or 'darling's or 'ha-ha' in my face!

Don't want to be a bitch, but,
at times like these, almost every day,
it's so difficult not to.

Maybe you need to know Slavia to really appreciate this. I like it.

How Awesome Is TDS?

We watch The Daily Show on DVR, so we're almost a week behind. I had to tell you that as an explanation as to why I'm saying this now.

They were at the Republican National Convention last week in St. Paul. At the beginning of every show, they included the phrase, "Restoring Honor and Dignity to the White House." That's it. No snark. No joke. Because obviously that phrase is a fucking joke on its own merit. Awesome.

I Am NOT Meant to Mow the Lawn Today

The first thought in my head when I woke up this morning was, "We should do the lawn first thing before Hanna gets here because we won't be able to do it later today or tomorrow." This summer we've taken to mowing every other weekend, but we really can't let it go longer than that.

When I got up to use the facilities at 7:00, it was already raining. There goes that idea.

The ground was relatively dry around breakfast time (noon today), so I figured we'd better get it in. And by "we", I mean both me and Toast - he does the front and I do the back. I hadn't showered yet, so I decided that I'd do my half first so I could shower while he did his half.

Walking out to the shed to retrieve the lawnmower, I saw poop. Big poop. I am poopophobic. It's probably the main reason I've never owned a dog. Well, that and the fact that they tend to be a little needy. Anyways, I find some leaves to pick it up with, but it's squishy.

I whine to Toast that I can't do the lawn because there's poop and I can't move it. He does the heroic husbandly thing and eradicates the back lawn of the two dastardly doodies.

I get the lawnmower out of the shed. First pull on the cord doesn't start it, but it does shoot a tiny little mouse out of the engine area. He's a little discombobulated. Once he gets his bearing, he tears ass off the front of the mower and lands upside-down in front of the mower. I bend over to look at him and make sure he's okay. He shakes off the fall and runs under the lawnmower. I tell him he's stupid and lift the machine off so he can scurry off to a safer place. He scoots into the flower bed. Okay.

I fire up the lawnmower and start around the outer edge of the yard. I'm at about my fifth pass when the lawnmower stops, just stops cold dead. I checked the gas, but there was still quite a bit in there. Toast came out and checked the oil which was low. I don't know if machines are smart enough to shut down when there's a threat of running out of oil, so I don't know if that's what caused it. All I know is we don't have the kind of oil for the mower, so I will not be mowing the lawn today.

It apparently was not meant to be.

Question of the (Insert Preferred Time Period Here)

So, next weekend Toast, Fridge, Chemist and I are going to one of the last games at Yankee Stadium. We had originally tried to gets tickets to an Angels game at said venue as one of these things is not like the others (DC is an Angels fan), but we waited too long and the tickets were prohibitively expensive. So we're going next Sunday to see the Bronx Bombers play the fucking Devil Rays.

But first the Chemist will be visiting the Shire for a slumber party. To commemorate the event, I'm going to make my monthly Bon Appétit meal the night that he's here. I usually give Toast the honors, but tonight, my dear husband's readers, I'm letting you pick the Bon Appétit meal that I make for our guest(s). Here are the options...

1. Bigoli with Onion-Anchovy Sauce
2. Green Lentil Salad with Bacon and Ham
3. Baked Fish with Thai Lemon-Mint Sauce
4. Semolina Gnocchi with Oxtail Ragu
5. Mac and Cheese with Pancetta
6. Angus Meatloaf with Crushed Yukon Gold Potatoes and Bibb Salad
7. Pork Char Siu with Steamed Chinese Buns
8. Slow-Cooked Brisket Sandwiches with Blue (sic) Cheese Coleslaw

There are only two recipes that I was able to link from epicurious.com, but the others are relatively straight-forward.

Fridge, you're welcome to come up, too. Whether or not you spend the night is your choice. We've got an inflatable mattress if you want to crash.

Everybody gets one vote, except for Tart, who gets two because she knows the subject matter so well.

Food Meme - Yum

This is cool. I'll be so impressed if anybody comes anywhere near Angelos' list.

1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2. Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
(4. I've added my own bit - put asterisks after what you must try before you die.)

(note: if you don't know what something is, go to the VGT post , they have wiki links)

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare***
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho***
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle***
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche***
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda ***
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more***
46. Fugu***
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine***
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe***
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant***
85. Kobe beef***
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor***
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Yum, yum, yum.